If you build it, He will come.
I admit it. In the past, I have hoped too much. For too long. Or possibly, placed my hope in the wrong things. I'm still not really sure. I feel like I staked my life on a hope that was dashed upon the rocks of a very harsh and unkind reality that stole everything. My dreams for my family, my community, and my calling were all snatched away in the span of one day.
Finding a reason to hope has never been my problem. I am hopeful to a fault. It is perhaps this hope within me that kept me going, kept all the plates spinning and caused me to refuse to give up.
I spent every Saturday night for many years, opening up the church, leading others, and leading myself to a place of consecration, surrender, to adoration and thanksgiving at the foot of the cross. Literally, I would lie down on the stage at the cross and pour out my heart and all my hopes to Jesus, trusting that somehow, "... in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 (NIV)
I'd check my heart to make sure I fit the criteria. I am called, check. I am doing His purposes, check. I love Him, check. He works all things, check. All things together for good... ok Lord, I'm holding on to that one, in belief and faith that you will do it.
I would pray for my children, my church, my friends, my family, and my husband. I thought my tenacity was a good thing. I thought He would come through. I really thought He would turn things around for good. I was looking for it, hanging onto that hope.
But it didn't go the way I thought it would.
In a few days it will have been 2 years since I lost everything. A lot has changed since that day. I haven't learned how to dream yet, but I am learning to hope again.
In my year at school at Bethel, Kris Vallotton used to always say, all things work together for good in the end, so if it's not good yet, it's not the end.
As much as I have wanted it to be the end over the last 2 years, it hasn't been. My life has not come to an end. So if I'm still here and God isn't letting me end, it must mean that He has a purpose in my existence, that He can make something out of my mess, and that alone is reason to hope. I can feel it slowly rising.
At times I have wondered why it is such a slow process. (Moses and the children of Israel must've thought the same thing, I mean 40 years is a long time!) It only took Jesus 3 days, but He's the very Son of God so I figure I should adjust my expectations, but resurrection for me has been an agonizingly slow and painful process. I don't want it to take any longer than absolutely necessary.
I am beginning to understand that my ability to rise from the ashes is a choice, not a natural accident. God won't do it for me. Life certainly won't do it for me, in fact the natural forces of this world will do quite the opposite to keep me in my place. I must refuse to stay there. Refuse hopelessness. Refuse to let loss frame my life or tell my story.
I will dream again. I will live again. I will hope again.
You don't have to have it all figured out, just start where you are.
I can't even count the many times I have spoken these very words to people; to those who felt stuck, those who lacked direction, and those who were desperate for a new beginning. People always want to know what to do next, especially when they feel like they are climbing out of a pit.
But what I've discovered is that when you rely on Jesus, when you put your trust in Him, He pulls you all the way out of the pit not just halfway. You never have to climb out by yourself. You no longer cling to the edge with your face in the dirt, clawing the mud that drips from the slippery fringes of the pit. No. In one swift motion, He reaches in and with His strong arms, He lifts you completely out and plants your feet on the solid ground.
When you lift your head and look around, it's important to know where you stand. (Don't let the new surroundings confuse you!) You have become free of all the filth, disentangled from the muck and mire and you stand clean. You are pure. You stand in the light, pardoned and unrestrained. It's that fast, it's that simple.
We sing the same song that has been sung through the ages, often without thinking, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." Thank you God, for seeing me, for waiting patiently for me, for reaching in and saving me! I would've never been able to pull myself out, of that I am certain. I'd be scraping and scratching forever at the hope of being free. I stand in gratitude and in total reliance upon Jesus for my next move.
But don't you know, that became my biggest problem.
What is my next move?
And that is where I got stuck.
I felt totally alone. I wondered, "Where did He go? Why did He walk away?" And then suddenly I couldn't remember anything. Just like that, my brain turned to mush.
Where did my mind go? Things that happened before the pit, people I knew, precious words that He had told me, everything seemed covered in a thick cloud. Thoughts flitted through my mind, refusing to be captured. I couldn't rest on any of them. Names, dates, places, all a distant blur.
How to get it back. How to recall. How to understand. How to overcome. How to get a vision. How to see beyond the ugliness and pain of the trauma of losing everything. I kept gazing at the pit I had left behind. My spirit shouted, "Turn around! Turn around!" But it was like a train wreck! Ya just gotta stare!
How to find restoration. How to feel again. How to turn around. How to move forward.
Even now, as I slowly move out of the fog, I am understanding that when He reached into that pit and pulled me out, He didn't put me on the same side as I had been before, He set me down on the furthest edge away from where I had fallen in. That meant nothing felt the same or looked the same. My expectations of people's responses, my knowledge of where to step next, my understanding of where I was headed was all wrong! I had to put my trust and my confidence in Him and Him alone.
Is that what God has wanted all along? For all my hope to be placed on His shoulders, for all my resources to be waiting upon His vast goodness, for me to hang upon every word He says? Has He been waiting for me to put my hope in Him?
In Isaiah 43 God was talking to the prophet about the great things He had done in the past and in verses 18 and 19 He says, "Do not remember the former things, or ponder the things of the past. Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert." (AMP)
I am learning that I can't simply close my eyes and wish to be in a different spot and I won't get where I am going by dwelling on the past. Forgetting about what is behind is not something that just accidentally happens along the way. Putting the past in it's place is a conscious decision. Where He is leading is not even a landscape I could've conceived of. God has not picked me up and set me directly into a new place, if He did, I know I would miss out on all the joys and victories of walking together into this land of victory with Him.
I don't have a map. I only have one strategy. I have to get there step by step, by following the sound of His voice and hanging on every word He says. Gradually the terrain changes and the clouds part. I know that one day soon, I will see again. And it will be lovely.
How about you? What are some practical ways you follow Him?
For lack of knowing how and where to begin, I'm just going to begin where I am.
The place where I have been tucked away has been a very lonely and dark place.
The thing is, when you seek out a hiding place, you may not be fully prepared for the repercussions of the very thing you sought. To be hidden means you are not seen. To be unseen means others are unaware of your presence, both what you carry and what you lack.
There have been times over the last 18 months or so, that I have wished to disappear. To not exist. In my efforts to not be hurt or wounded any longer, in my attempts to be safe and protected, I actually cut myself off from the life all around me. I cut myself off from being wounded, from being betrayed, from being misunderstood and accused. But I also cut myself off from healing, from being championed, from being accepted and loved. I suppose I didn't feel worthy of those things. I had realized that so much of what I had faith for seemed to be untrue.
I was faced with the harsh realization that what I had been waiting for and longing for was actually never going to happen. Were my prayers wrong? How had I missed the mark so badly? This sharp realization of missing the mark brought me to the conclusion that I deserved all of this pain. I deserved betrayal and loss on a monumental scale. To suddenly be left with nothing. Only one friend remained. Only one friend chose to fight through the pain to stay in relationship. All others turned away. To suddenly be left with no money, no retirement, no income, no meaning, and I could certainly not envision a future with hope. I simply could not understand or reconcile myself to these facts.
To now, put hands to keyboard and try to make sense of things... or to explain my lack of making sense of these things... it is simply what I must do for myself to move ahead. See, I know that God is gracious. He allows and actually sets us up for come backs. It's the thought of a do-over I truly wanted to avoid. A do-over implies that you are starting from scratch. I simply had no energy left to start over from the beginning. I felt as though my whole life was messed up and I simply could not imagine that I would have to go back and live enough life to make up for 50 years of seeming chaos. I DID NOT HAVE THE ENERGY OR FORTITUDE OF SPIRIT FOR THAT!
I told myself, "God knows where you are, He knows what you need, and He will provide." So I just sat. I sat and I built a place to hide from the pain of the world around me. Brick by brick, I built the walls that I thought kept me protected.
The hiding place of my own design actually became a prison cell. I designed it and built it with my own hands. Out of continual, unrelenting, extended pain, out of the fear of things getting worse, out of a desire to protect my own heart, I built the walls thick and strong. The walls were thick enough to quiet the voices of accusation. There was no wind so strong or light so bright that could slice through the barred, darkened windows I had put in place. I felt safe, yes, but I was also entirely alone in there. This is what I discovered: There is no hiding place so secret, so tucked away, that He cannot find me.
He found me. In fact, the truth is, He was with me even as I built those walls, brick by brick. I believe His heart was saying, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NIV But I wouldn't. I could not allow myself to come to Him. He might ask more of me. He might ask too much. He might ask for what I don't have. I simply couldn't stand any more rejection.
To truly live means you must leave yourself exposed to those you trust the most. To truly live requires risk. Trust requires the wild abandon to self preservation, you stand unprotected before Him.
So how much do I trust Him? Do I trust Him enough to let Him see me? Do I trust that He has good plans for my life? Will I trade one hiding place for another? Trading the one I built, for the one only He can provide... I say yes.
Yes Lord, I give you the freedom to deal with my fears, my pain and my future, as I know only You can. So I give it to You, God. I stand unprotected before You.
"Lord, you are my secret hiding place, protecting me from these troubles, surrounding me with songs of gladness! Your joyous shouts of rescue release my breakthrough." Psalm 32:7 TPT
“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 (NIV)
God can make His home in all of heaven, the vast expanses of the universe belong to Him, and the earth is His footstool yet He chooses to make His home with us. That thought has captivated the imagination of human beings for centuries. Where can we build a place for His glory to dwell? What container, what temple or palace could possibly be grand enough to house the very presence of God?
Men have tried. They have built structures that defy the logic of their time, grand cathedrals with soaring painted, detailed and carved ceilings that remind all who enter to look UP!
There is an inner longing to dwell with God, or to be more practical, have Him dwell with us. The prophet Isaiah pleaded with God, "Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down." (Isaiah 64:1) David cried, "Lord, I love the house where you live, the place where your glory dwells. (Psalm 26:8) And at the time, He didn't even have a temple, only the portable (and fought over) Arc of the Covenant sitting in a tent! But He recognized the glory of God dwelling in that place!
I have been on this earth 52 years, I have been in relationship with Jesus my whole life, have visited and worshipped in cathedrals and churches around the world and I am still longing for something more. C.S. Lewis said, "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” All this longing, this feeling of dissatisfaction with the things of the world is proof that there is more!
The truth is, we were created to be explorers, searchers of truth, finders of the nature of God. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us, "...He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end." The search is not intended to frustrate us, but to delight us! More and more of God to discover. Mountains to climb, beauty to discover and mysteries to explore.
God has been our answer, our eternal solution, and He has been making provision for our connection. He has never stopped beckoning, inviting and reaching for us. Perhaps one of the most important journeys requires no travel, and no telescope, only a mirror.
Emmanuel, God with us. He chose to come and dwell with us and within us. In human hearts wrapped in ribs and flesh. We don't need to go somewhere to meet with God. Sometimes we just need to be still. To become aware of His glory that dwells within us. To breathe afresh the breath of God and come alive in wonder. He lives! He speaks! And He is here now! The Message version describes it this way:
"The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
the one-of-a-kind glory,
like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
true from start to finish."
May I encourage you today to stop, even for a moment and take a deep breath of the glory of God. Accept His invitation to dwell.
How do you handle change? All of us negotiate new territory differently. What works for you to manage the stress of change may not be what works for me. Unfortunately, there is no guidebook, and no set rules for every scenario we go through.
The past seven months of upheaval in my life have taught me many things about how to better cope with the stress of life change and I am sharing them with you today.
1. Be kind to you. It is not helpful to have expectations set so high for yourself that you cannot possibly experience success. Instead of placing your entire life on a to-do list before you, perhaps you could narrow it down and tackle one or two things. When you finish, you will feel accomplished! You might even reward yourself with a treat, not necessarily in sugar form. Maybe allow yourself to watch a favorite TV show or to take a walk and breathe in some fresh air.
2. Know when to retreat. When you feel overwhelmed with noise, commotion, and chaos, sometimes the best thing you can do is to draw back, protect your psyche and get quiet. A well known passage of scripture is a beautiful reminder, "Be still and know that I am God;" Psalms 46:10. The NASB says it this way, "Cease striving and know that I am God;" Yes, cease striving. Retreating momentarily to gather your thoughts and breathe is not the same as letting yourself become isolated. Proper rest, moments of peace, sweet retreat.
3. Know when to connect. Depending on your personality, retreat may sound like the most welcome thing to you, Maybe too welcome. At times the stress of life change may beg for hibernation. At times I have been tempted to completely isolate myself, so that no one could demand anything or ask anything from me. But isolation is not healthy. You may want to climb into your shell and hide. Don't. We all need people around us who will encourage us, believe in us, and at times challenge us to move forward. Find them. Choose to be vulnerable and say, "I need you". We actually need both retreat and connection, like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide.
4. Stay in the presence. It is amazing what a difference a worship session can make in my own heart. In the presence of God we are lifted up above our circumstances. We are lifted up where we can catch a glimpse of the greatness and beauty of our Savior. We are reminded of HIs promises over us. We are reassured of His unconditional love. We feel Him holding tight to us and know that everything will be ok. When you live from this place, you suddenly find you are buoyed by hope! Oh what a precious commodity hope is. When you feel your hope running low, you know exactly what to do: get in His presence and worship Him again. And again. And again. (Repeat as necessary.)
5. Find a way to laugh. There is nothing that makes me laugh more than watching people fall down. (Don't judge.) I cannot help it! There is something about the spontaneous lack of control as they go tumbling to the ground in the most ungraceful way possible that just tickles my funny bone. (It could also be my own tendency toward clumsiness that makes me feel better about myself.) But YouTube is a GIFT of laughter when you are desperate. Think of the thing that makes you laugh the most and take a chuckle break. It will boost your serotonin and you will feel better equipped to tackle the next thing.
6. Stay thankful. Remind yourself of the things God has done for you. As money has become tighter and tighter for me, I find myself more grateful for the little things. I woke myself up the other night thanking God in my sleep for toilet paper!!! Whatever it takes, man. I am thankful! Even if things feel scary and your future looks uncertain you have so much to be thankful for now. You are breathing. You have a God who loves you. You have people who cheer you on, myself included. When you feel like complaining, start thanking.
7. Don't give up and don't look back. Just keep moving forward. There is always a next step that you can take. Determine to find it. You are stronger than you think you are. Today I read an anonymous quote that said, "One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change." AMEN! There is far too much ahead of you to waste even one more second on regret or asking why. The Bible tells us that we go from glory to glory! Maybe you have had some past glory, Yay! But that also means GLORY AWAITS!
I hope these tips were helpful for you. This blog is one of the things I retreated from five months ago and oddly, it is one of my next steps today. Funny how that happens. I could beat myself up for it, but NO! I will be kind to me and say, "Good job, you! You did it!"
A reward is surely around the corner.
I believe that there is a divine story being written and we play a vital role in the outcome. Over the past 5 years I have personally been set on fire for revival. I have a passion to see the church arise. If those warming the pews knew the power they carried and the authority they have been given, if they understood the purpose resting within, I believe they would arise. One encounter could change everything. I should know, I was a church wallflower most of my life. But no longer. What I have received, I give away. The church, awake and active, is unstoppable.
I believe I am called, not just to see the church arise in America, but in Europe as well. Right now prophetic destiny is being released into people who need to realize that they are not just another face in a sea of sameness. God has called them each by name. I want to be a part of the Awakening that is happening even now in Europe. God is calling prodigals home, calling warriors to the fight, and awakening those who don't even know they're sleeping.
It’s one of the reasons I came to Bethel. My life appears to some to have taken a detour, but the passion of Christ within me drives me onward. Deep down I know that God can use any detour as a launching pad. So I have been pressing in, allowing God to rework mindsets and rewire my heart. It is challenging. everyday. But hope is being restored. everyday.
All students at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry are given the opportunity to be placed on a team and assigned a specific missions assignment, to both be trained and to be sent. It’s just one more way we are putting into practice the things that Jesus taught.
The sign ups were made available on line and each student got to apply for their top 5 choices of assignments across the globe. For me it wasn’t a tough choice at all. I was drawn to one geographical area entirely. For the past 5 years or so I have studied and taught on past revivals. The Bible tells us, “For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.” (Revelation 19:10) and if I want to see revival in myself, in my family, in my city, in my nation, and in the world, these stories are step #1. Stories of the outpouring of the Great Welsh Revival that began in 1904 have been spotlighted in my spirit.
I applied for England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, any trip that would put me close to that spot where Evan Roberts set the world on fire. I have longed to go to Moriah Chapel and lay on the floor, to feel the stone under my hands, to press my face against this holy ground, to feel the earth that has been saturated with the prayers of generations, and touched by the very fingerprint of God.
I received the exciting news this week that I was chosen to go right to the heart of the Welsh Revival, to Wales. In fact, Moriah Chapel itself will be one of our target destinations. I will be part of a team that will be touring Wales taking part in conferences, evangelism, prophetic ministry, healing services, and much more.
For me, and for hundreds of others like me, this is just one more step of obedience into a life fully surrendered to Jesus, called to bring the love of the gospel to the nations. If you think of my story at all, could you do one thing? Could you pray? Pray for me, for the teams being sent, and the places He is preparing even now. Precious people around the world who don’t even know they need a Savior, are about to encounter His love.
If you would like to sow seeds into my revival journey, financial gifts may be made online at trips.ibethel.org. This gift is tax-deductible and you will receive a statement at the end of the year for your tax records. If you wish your gift to be anonymous, please check the anonymous box. This will allow you to receive an end of year statement, but will not allow me to see your name.
You, by the way, are writing your own revival story. He is using you, right now, as his writing instrument, leaving etched hearts and brilliant beauty by the love you express to those around you. I pray that God renews your spirit today and fills you with overflowing joy and expectation.
Kids just instinctively know how to do it. Whether is a compliment, a treat, or a gift, they readily hold out their heart and their hands and they receive. With a gleeful smile, and hopefully a "thank you", they run along.
How good are you at receiving? When someone says, "You are lookin' good", do you immediately deflect by turning the spotlight back on them? When someone offers you chocolate, do you smile and say, "Yes, please!" or do you carry on an inward dialogue, not wanting to take any prized delight away from them, so you say, "no", while you secretly want it so bad?
I know to you "easy receiver's", this whole line of questioning seems ludacrous. I mean, if you want it, take it, right? But it's not so easy for some of us. I honestly think mom's have the hardest time receiving. We get used to filling our plates last, sharing our last bite with anyone who asks, using our saved new shoe stash for yet another lost retainer or broken glasses, or spending countless late nights helping with college applications for the kids while your own dreams remain on hold.
Yep, I am a "hard receiver". This is a term coined by one of my Bible teachers, and I face this issue every single day. Why is it so flippin' hard to receive? Jesus warned His followers, "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:17 (NIV)
For some of us who grew up steeped in religion it was ingrained within us to sacrifice, to fast, to contend for the promises of God. Where does receiving like a child fit into that?
Today Bill Johnson explained it like this: There are two main ways to advance the Kingdom. One is to receive like a child, the other is to take it by force. ("From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force." Matthew 11:12 (ESV) He said you can tell which way the Lord is wanting you to approach Him by how He responds to you. If you are fasting and praying and nothing is working, maybe He wants you to simply rest in Him and receive. If resting and waiting isn't bringing breakthrough, maybe in this season, you need to contend for your breakthrough.
I have become pretty good at contending. I have fought for my kids, my family, my church, my city, my friends, my healing, but how often have I just sat back and received? Very rarely, I must admit.
As I was sharing my day with my daughter this evening she looked at me and said, "God just wants to rain down on you, Mom. It's time to take down the umbrella."
Wow. It will take some practice.
How about you? Maybe you should ask God what He is desiring from you in this season. If it's childlike faith, then I cheer you on, and say, hold out your hands, put your umbrella away, and let it rain! May He put HIs love on display just for you!
PS. It's been awhile since I have marked the trail. I have been processing so much, letting God retrain my brain. This blog is just a snapshot of my journey the last couple of weeks. I hope it blesses you. XOXO
Have you ever had good motives but got shut down anyway? I was reading the account of David, when he was finally settled as king and he lived in a big fancy house, one befitting a king, of course. The prophet Samuel came to visit and David declared, "I want to build a house for God! It's not fair that I am in here while God is out in a tent." The passage doesn't infer what Samuel really thought about it, he simply told David, "Go ahead and do what you want. God is with you." But that night God decided to tell Samuel what He thought about it.
"But that night, the word of God came to Nathan saying, “Go and tell my servant David: This is God’s word on the matter: You’re going to build a ‘house’ for me to live in? Why, I haven’t lived in a ‘house’ from the time I brought the children of Israel up from Egypt till now. All that time I’ve moved about with nothing but a tent. And in all my travels with Israel, did I ever say to any of the leaders I commanded to shepherd Israel, ‘Why haven’t you built me a house of cedar?’ 2 Samuel 7:4-7 (Message)
Clearly God isn't asking for much. Then He says this, "So here is what you are to tell my servant David: The God-of-the-Angel-Armies has this word for you: I took you from the pasture, tagging along after sheep, and made you prince over my people Israel. I was with you everywhere you went and mowed your enemies down before you. Now I’m making you famous, to be ranked with the great names on earth. And I’m going to set aside a place for my people Israel and plant them there so they’ll have their own home and not be knocked around any more. Nor will evil men afflict you as they always have, even during the days I set judges over my people Israel. Finally, I’m going to give you peace from all your enemies." 2 Samuel 8-11 (Message)
Usually when you're life is going well there is at least 1 or 2 people that make it their mission on earth to protect you from becoming arrogant and puffed up, so they will remind you where you came from. If you are someone who came from nothing, then you know that reminder doesn't feel very good. In fact, it often feels like a slap in the face, as if they will never allow you to enjoy flourishing. God begins His message to David with a reminder, only the motivation was something entirely different.
God was not judging David, or condescending, or accusing, or putting him down. In fact it was quite the opposite. His reminder that reduced him to nothing more than a shepherd came from a position of love and of relationship. He was upgrading David with a worldwide promotion! Just read what He said next!
“Furthermore, God has this message for you: God himself will build you a house! When your life is complete and you’re buried with your ancestors, then I’ll raise up your child, your own flesh and blood, to succeed you, and I’ll firmly establish his rule. He will build a house to honor me, and I will guarantee his kingdom’s rule permanently. I’ll be a father to him, and he’ll be a son to me. When he does wrong, I’ll discipline him in the usual ways, the pitfalls and obstacles of this mortal life. But I’ll never remove my gracious love from him, as I removed it from Saul, who preceded you and whom I most certainly did remove. Your family and your kingdom are permanently secured. I’m keeping my eye on them! And your royal throne will always be there, rock solid.” 2 Samuel 7:12-18 (Message)
Wow! I had always heard that God wouldn't let David build God a house because he was a man of war, or because his sin was too great. I heard it through the lens of punishment not promotion! There is not a hint of that attitude in this passage. It feels more like a one-up situation. "You say that you love me? I love you more! You're wanting to build me a house? I'm gonna build you a bigger one. You think you live in luxury now, just wait and see what I will do!"
There is a line in a worship song that I have sung a thousand times before, but suddenly it arrested my heart, "It's your breath in our lungs, so we pour out our praise, pour out our praise". In y mind's eye everything I had relied on in the past was being stripped away. I was reduced to nothing but the breath in my lungs, realizing that when reduced to nothing, He had already given me all I needed. His breath became enough! His reminder was not a "you're such a worm" kind of word, in fact, it was quite the opposite. It was my Father saying, "My breath is heaven sent and it's all you need. Let's build from here. It is enough, you are enough, and I am able to finish what I began in you."
What a great beginning! After all, creation was formed with nothing more than His breath, wasn't it?
Here's what David had to say about it,
"God is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out,
keeps in mind that we’re made of mud."
Psalms 103 (Message)
Maybe as you were reading this, you were condemning yourself with all the you shouldn't have's and if only's. You are forgetting the main point! Our Father sent His son to reconcile us back to Himself so we can have the kind of relationship with God that David had. He was human, he made mistakes, and look what God did! God is an expert at do-overs. Stop telling yourself all the things you don't have and start with your breath. If you have His breath in your lungs, it's the perfect foundation for all God is longing to bless you with. Breathe in. Breathe out. Trust God with the rest.
I turned to the man in line behind me. Seeing that he was not far from my age, and knowing what it took for me to come to Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM), I asked him a rather pointed question.
What did you leave to come here?
It's the same question that could be asked of any person surrendering their life to Christ for the first time or for the hundredth time. To the one who's life, like mine, has been turned upside down, to the one exhausted from trying to keep it all together, to the one who is running from addictions that always seem to linger in the shadows, what did you leave to come to Jesus? What exactly did it take?
Surrender seems to be a very uneven exchange. We get to lay down all the baggage, all the mess, all the shame, guilt, fear, loss, all of it, to receive His unmerited favor, His grace, His mercy, His peace, His love, His all! He withholds nothing! Because He paid for our freedom with His life, we become blameless. It's an unfair trade.
Psalms 84:11 tells us, "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."
Wow! How can God really be that good?
Anything good in our lives that we cling so tightly to is insignificant when we finally realize that all He wants for us in this exchange is more good! Why do we prolong our agony by hiding things from Him? Why do we fight so hard to maintain control? And why do we beat the wind with our fearful complaints when we belong to the Almighty One?
This quote from Charles Spurgeon has been lingering in the forefront of my waking thoughts. "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the rock of ages." What vivid imagery! Like a punch to the gut! What truth! We scarcely value the wave until we get a little further on in the journey. Hindsight, you know. Can I learn to trust Him while the wave is crashing? I want to!
So the stranger, the man behind me in line, when I asked him my potentially painful question, "what did you leave to come here?", without skipping a beat, he looked me dead in the eye and said, "Everything...and nothing." Doesn't that beautifully sum up surrender in three little words?
Someone reading this today is at that pivotal point of surrender. You may feel like you have been forsaken, even abandoned. But let me assure you, He sees. And He's got you. I encourage you to read this beautiful passage of scripture out loud, and insert your name. Repeat it often, until it gets in your bones.
"Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, (insert your name)
or, whine, Israel, (your name) saying,
“God has lost track of me.
He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out."
Isaiah 40:27 (Message)
I pray that today you sense the nearness of your God who is standing by you with outstretched arms, ready to rescue you from the waves and set your feet upon the Rock. He will walk with you through surrender, into the greatest adventure of your life.
The first day of school jitters. Ugh, it felt ridiculous. "I'm a grown woman...I'm too old for this nonsense", I kept telling myself. Yet there I was, standing in line with a thousand others, probably thinking the same thing.
The older we get the more responsibilities we carry. Our family, our children, our jobs, our future, our retirement, we fight for these things our entire lives. I have been a mother for 25 years! From a pastoral perspective, I have been the mother of a church for many years too. Charged with keeping a close and careful eye on all who were a part of my church family. It was as if God connected wifi to the precious people there, and only a few of us had the password. What a privilege to carry the code. As I watched with my natural eyes, He supernaturally downloaded to my heart the encouragement and exhortation they needed to grow.
Now there I was standing in line to register for school at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry and it just felt awkward. It felt like I just did not fit. I did not have the wifi password for these people! That overwhelming feeling began making me think about all the people who enter churches for the first time all around the world, and how they must feel. Perhaps it feels like stepping into a secret club where they don't yet know the customs or language of that community. It takes a lot of courage to stay.
We as Christians carry heaven within us. We are to carry the very nature of God, the culture of heaven into every situation we walk in to. It is absolutely counter cultural to society around us. Least is greatest, first is last, week is strong. to the normal human, it is upside down. In fact, Jesus was constantly instilling heaven's culture into those around Him. He said to enter the Kingdom, we must become like children.
Well, I did that this week. I became one of the kids. As I stand back a survey my first day, I am left with 4 thoughts:
1. When I feel off kilter, I can lean on the One who knows me by name.
2. I don't have to carry the weight of the world, I can cast my cares on Him.
3. He wants me to come to Him as a child and begin to delight and wonder as only a kid could.
4. Be patient with myself, fitting into a new family takes time.
1 John 3:2 says it so well, "Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." (NIV)
Maybe you are like me, maybe you have a tendency to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Today I would like to encourage you. Take just a moment and get alone with God. Close your eyes, see yourself as a child and climb up on Papa's lap and just sit there. Let Him hold you close. It is in His presence that peace comes, that your true identity is revealed as a son or daughter of this Father who loves you so very much. He is for you! He is cheering you on. Let Him be strong when you feel weak. Be the kid you were created to be.
I think His greatest desire is for us to enjoy His presence, let Him be in charge, and simply enjoy being one of His kids.